There are truths, some pretty basic, essential things for looking at the world in such a way that it makes sense, which are more or less forbidden topics. They're so foundational that messing with them causes all sorts of trouble to the surface of people's minds, which are generally preferred to be placid and undisturbed. But really, after a period of adjustment and perturbation, one tends to be much happier once the shift has been made. After all, you can deny cognitive dissonance like a champ, but it's going to eat at you until you make it go away. It's just that resetting badly set bones hurts like hell.
So I have a desire to help my friends toward a clearer understanding of why, for example, people do what they do, and want what they want. It's only perplexing if you insist on misunderstanding the basics. Clear that up and it suddenly clicks into focus. The benefit to me is that I no longer have to cover my knowledge of deeply politically incorrect realities. Honestly, they were common knowledge not long ago, but unquestioned to the point of being an unconscious assumption, and thus bulldozed by those who would promote themselves at the expense of their own society. You can see how it would be a nuisance to bite back every reference. Imagine if everyone decided the sky was actually green, and only backward brutes thought it was blue. Any casual mention or metaphor regarding the sky would have to be considered before speaking, lest the Green Sky people, who are rightly touchy about their delicate but repeated self-deception, get frothy and shrieky about it. Big nuisance.
My tendency is therefore to couch things in humor. Considering how often and how badly that has gone in the past, you'd think I would never do that again. I think I'm thinking at the time that it's a way to gauge the hearer's receptivity to reality, in a harmless and plausibly deniable way. The oversensitivity of the Green Sky people is not to be underestimated in that way, though. On top of that, humans are more or less a foreign language to me, and my calibration is very easily thrown off by casual settings and moderately familiar conversational partners. As a result I find myself combing through conversations after the fact, agonizing about whether I've managed to horribly offend someone in the name of very mild humor. Yes, it's pathetic. No, I haven't figured out a way to fix it. Not caring isn't an option, in case you wonder.
5 comments:
"On top of that, humans are more or less a foreign language to me, and my calibration is very easily thrown off by casual settings and moderately familiar conversational partners."
I'm sorry, but this part made me laugh. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I was having drinks with friends not long ago and we were cheering ourselves on and my particular boast was, "I can offend just about anybody." And I really can. My "calibration" is off too (and by the way I am also stealing that). This is probably why I am so obsessed with things like "presentation"... because I suck so much at it.
I do feel for you. I wish I had something else to offer you besides validation but this is one of my greatest difficulties as well. I will say this: you can come over on my blob and offend me anytime. I promise I won't hold it against you. In fact I often appreciate when people write/say something that offends me. Makes me think. Reconsider.
Heh. You are quite welcome to that phrasing! It seems so... well, it's unfortunately accurate in how it describes me. My skill with words, such as it is, comes as much from that as your obsession with presentation - and may be, really, the same thing in different clothes.
Now, I'm not going to try to offend you, that happening on its own for the most part and without my knowledge unless mentioned, but your forbearance is greatly appreciated. I put my foot in my mouth so often I'm surprised I don't have athlete's tongue.
"...comes as much from that as does your obsession..." is what I meant. Oy. Such a difference some minor phrasing makes.
You're right, I think they are the same thing John. I really do think you write beautifully though. It's strange that I seem to understand you fine, and you seem to understand me fine, but other people don't seem to understand us. I think perhaps we are both very, very careful people. I recognized that in you right away. I feel comfortable "talking" with you because I have confidence that you are really listening.
You are enjoyable to listen to. Makes it easy, you know?
It does seem strange that most people don't understand us, when we two - who are enormously different in several ways - have no trouble with it.
In any case, knowing someone's appreciating my efforts spurs me to better writing, which is a nice sort of feeling.
Post a Comment